DiNozzo Asks Too Many Questions
by jacksrevenge
Summary: “You two spent the night together? ..what’s going on here McGee?” - Alternate Capitol Offense. What could’ve - and should’ve - happened when Ziva’s teasing goes a little too far. PART TWO- DiNozzo says something stupid. Gibbs is mischievous.
1. Anyone Care To Explain?

Just a little something I thought of when watching "Capitol Offense today. :P enjoy!

"Thank you, Ziva. You shouldn't have," Abby said as the Israeli woman rose out of her seat to hug her. Tony and McGee stood watching the two girls embrace.

"I owe you for letting me sleep at your place," Ziva said gratefully. Out of the corner of her eye, she subtly winked at the other girl, and together they turned to a curious Tony and an amused McGee.

"Slumber party..? You two spent the night together?" Tony asked with such eagerness that Abby had to restrain a giggle. The Mossad ninja was unfazed though. She and Abby simply looked at each other, smiling.

"What's going on here, McGee?" He turned to look at the probie, who just smiled wryly.

"Don't know, don't care. None of my business, Dinosy." he said as he walked away, following Abby who was clutching at her cupcake like it meant life or death. Tony leaned across Ziva's desk, getting in her face and speaking before she had the chance.

"What happened at this little sleepover?" He inquired in an excited tone. Ziva leaned right back, pushing her face so it was only about an inch from his.

"Oh, you know. One bedroom apartment... one bed," she said seductively, trailing a finger down the side of his face and down to his chest. She then rose abruptly and went over to the filing cabinet by his desk, opening it and pretending to look at random files. Tony looked positively thrilled. He walked over to her and snatched the file from her hands.

"Come on... you've got to give me some details!" She smirked at him and tried to take the file back, but he pulled it away from her grasp.

"Not until you share a story." Ziva then ducked under the arm that wasn't holding the file, coming up behind him and twisting his arm and grabbing the file back. Then she spun him around to face her.

"Ladies do not lick and tell," she whispered in his ear, and he angled his head oh-so-slightly to look at her.

"It's kiss and tell," he whispered back. Ziva moved her body so that she was facing him head-on, and she tilted her head a little, once again getting about an inch away from his face.

"I know." She turned away from him again and his eyes widened extremely. She started to walk back over to her desk, but he grabbed her by the wrist and twirled her around to face him.

"You cannot... _possibly_.. leave me hanging like that!" At her incredulous look, he started to bend down. "I'll get on my hands and knees and beg, Ziva!"

Abby and McGee watched from behind the wall separating McGee's cubicle from the one adjacent to it, and both were trying very hard not to laugh.

"That will not be necessary," she laughed a little. McGee pouted and Abby smacked him in the arm. Tony got up and Ziva leaned up to whisper something in his ear.

"I will tell you this. It gets terribly lonely in that big, cold apartment. Especially when you're walking around in nothing but your lace bra and panties and there's no one to warm you up..." she trailed off and the expression on Tony's face could only be described as primal. He was staring at Ziva like he was the lion and she was the lamb, and a jolt of excitement rushed down her spine. Abby giggled quietly to herself from behind the wall, and McGee just looked downright disgusted.

"Black lace?" Tony asked, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was looking her up and down. She was now closer than ever to him, and the hands that were orignally tracing light circles on his upper arm were now snaked around his neck. Instinctively, Tony placed both of his hands around her waist, drawing her closer to him.

"Only black lace," she replied. "Only _sheer_ black lace." His eyes visibly darkened and her pulse shot up as his hands drifted a little lower. He let his eyes drift down to her chest. She shivered.

"Right now?" He asked quietly. She leaned forward even more, pushing her body flush against his, and leaned even further in so that their noses were just barely touching.

"Absolutely."

That was the last straw for Tony. He crashed his lips to hers and hungrily devoured her mouth, Ziva allowing him access when his tongue lightly probed her lips. Their mouths moved in sync and each battled for dominance of the kiss, but they were so equally matched that neither one of them ever could.

Abby squealed in delight when they kissed, but it went unnoticed by the couple since they were so - quite literally - caught up in each other. McGee could only look on in horror.

"My God, it's finally happened!" McGee said, horrified. Abby jumped around and squealed again.

"Oh I know, isn't it great!" She said excitedly. McGee couldn't even speak.

Meanwhile, Tony and Ziva were still in the middle of an *ahem* "passionate" embrace. In their desperation to be closer to one another, Ziva jumped up onto him and wrapped her legs around his middle, and Tony held her up by her ass. Noises in the forms of moans and groans started coming from the pair, and Abby took this as her cue to intervene.

She came up between them and lightly tapped on Tony's shoulder. He didn't stop for a while, but after a minute or two of her relentless tapping, he finally stopped sucking face with the ninja wrapped around him and looked at her, the Israeli woman's lips never leaving his face by trailing kisses down his cheek and neck.

"Abs, I'm kinda busy," he breathed out. Abby just smiled at him.

"You guys may want to move this somewhere a little more private," she suggested quietly, and it finally dawned on Tony that they were in the middle of the squadroom. He nodded at her and resumed sucking face with Ziva, walking forward a bit as he led them in the direction of the men's bathroom. Abby sneakily stuck a condom in the front pocket of his shirt as the pair stumbled to a more private area.

"Ah, those two are so adorable together." she said happily, looking over at Tim. By the look on his face, it was clear he didn't agree.

Some time later, Abby was back in her lab and team Gibbs were all working dutifully at their computers. Everything was seemingly back to normal after Tony and Ziva's escapade in the squadroom that morning, unless one took the time to notice the furtive glances that the two frequently shot at each other. Occasionally, their eyes would meet and both would look away immediately, Tony with a smirk on his face and Ziva with a small smile.

Gibbs had seemed none the wiser to the change in his two agents when he finally arrived at work that morning, and certainly acted normal all day as they began investigating the death of Kerry Mclellan. Currently, he was in the men's bathroom taking a short break and the bullpen was completely silent.

It was interrupted, however, when Gibbs sauntered back in with a sheer black lace bra dangling from his right index finger. He made a show of coughing and all three team members immediately looked up.

"Anyone care to explain why this was hanging on the doorknob to the men's room?"

The end.

reviews are appreciated.

:D


	2. An Answer Is Out Of The Question

Hello again! I'm sure this is weird for some of you, considering I said that this story was over. Well, I just couldn't resist. I was feeling mischievious this afternoon, and well… this is what became of it.

Enjoy.

Part II

An Answer Is Out Of The Question

After a long period of silence, Tony and Ziva had scrambled to come up with an excuse for the black lace bra still dangling from the older man's finger, while McGee looked on in shock. He compared it to a car crash… terrible, but somehow you just couldn't look away.

"I mean… maybe someone misplaced it," Tony threw in.

"…of course I never wear those types of garish undergarments…" Ziva rambled, her hand gestures becoming steadily more extraneous as she got more panicked.

"Actually I heard we were having an office scavenger hunt today and that might be one of the items…"

"It is certainly not one of ours because I am wearing a bra and Tony and McGee do not usually wear bras… heh."

"You know, that might have fallen out of my back pocket…"

"…is probably Roy the mailboy playing another one of his juvenile pranks."

"I BET IT WAS VANCE'S…" Tony blurted out, catching the attention of most everyone in the near vicinity, and garnering a disbelieving face from Ziva, and an unreadable face from Gibbs. McGee just looked as if he was about to piss himself with pure and utter glee.

Tony met Ziva's eyes and found that they were bugged out at him, staring in complete disbelief. She jerked her head once, silently asking him, '_what the hell did you just say?!' _He could only shrug in response, not entirely believing that those words had come out of his mouth himself.

"This sheer black lace bra I found on the bathroom doorknob… belongs to Vance?" Gibbs asked slowly, staying firmly in his spot and looking at Tony as if he was insane. The younger agent nodded, straightening himself in his seat and willing some of the trademark DiNozzo charm to get him out of this situation.

"Yes, Boss. You know how it is… cabin fever. You get cooped up in this hot old building all day long and you're bound to get a little loopy," he grinned, twirling his finger around his head and crossing his eyes, trying to convey the 'loopiness.' "Can't say I haven't considered it myself."

McGee was now recording Tony's speech on his cell phone, smiling like a little kid on Christmas. Ziva's face remained the same, still in disbelief at the words coming out of her partner's mouth.

"And you know, this office has needed a touch-up for a long time. Sometimes I just look over at that doorknob, all lonely and a dull gray color, and think 'hey, this could really use some sprucing up' and would you look at that! Somebody decided to do a little redecorating!"

In truth, Gibbs had known the minute Tony and Ziva had decided to "get together." He was upstairs, walking out of MTAC, when he Ziva jump into the younger man's arms, kissing passionately. He considered yelling at them to break them apart, but when he stopped to think about it, he decided to have a little fun with his agents. It was never a question of if, with them, only when. He had long since given up the ideal that Rule Twelve would be followed, only kept it there to see how long his agents would follow it. So he'd gotten into the elevator, gone on a coffee run, and returned an hour later to find them back in the squadroom. He'd excused himself to the men's bathroom (and he did actually have to go) and was somehow surprised when he found the bra hanging on the doorknob. He'd used the other bathroom facilities in the building, gone back to the first one, picked up the bra, and strode into the bullpen with his remark at the ready. As he watched Tony digging himself into a grave and Ziva completely shell-shocked and letting it happen, he decided it was all worth it.

"…really it was just a matter of time before Vance decided to show us his little playful side, and you know, he decided to pick a rather controversial item to make us all you know, freak out, just like we're doing now and…." Tony trailed off. McGee was teetering on the edge of his seat, his grin so wide it might break his face.

"You're telling me," Gibbs began, advancing closer to Tony's desk. "that my boss, the director of NCIS, goes a little'loopy'one day and plants a bra on the doorknob of the men's room… _as a prank?"_ Tony's eyes went wide.

"No, no, of course not, not at all!" He looked down. "Well, yeah, actually yes. Yes, that it's." He looked up again, and was faced with his boss' penetrating glare, and as he looked, Tony realized that he was already done for.

"Uhhhhhhh….. this one's on me, Boss." He smacked the back of his head. Twice. Gibbs smiled, and took a step backwards to Ziva's desk. He gently placed the bra on top of it, watching as her eyes finally left Tony's face and snapped to his, a look of horror gracing her features.

"Hope you used protection!" Gibbs said, striding out of the bullpen with a smirk on his face, leaving two flabbergasted agents behind.

McGee was rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off.

* * *

Done!

Reviews are greatly appreciated, and I'm not sure if I'll add more to this, so let me know what you think. :D


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